One Month In

One Month In

I’ve never really done the whole new years resolution thing, goal setting (and sticking to said goals) is not a strong point in my personal life.

However, this year I’m giving it a go, mostly in the form of goals for myself, but with one resolution; this year I am going to learn to be kinder to myself.

This wasn’t something I intended on writing about here, but I’m kinda proud of myself so here we are.

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Done with Toxic Diet Culture

Done with Toxic Diet Culture

Happy belated New Year!

It’s that time again, another rotation around the sun has begun, and with that the swarming of toxic diet ideas and body shaming.

How many skinny tea ads have you seen since the first of the month? Or promotions of appetite suppressant lollipops? Or laxative filled shakes?

How many posts have you seen trying to evoke guilt from your eating habits over the holiday season in order to sell a product?

This whole thing around the new year making it okay to promote unhealthy weight loss methods is completely screwed up- I mean doing it at all is, especially when these ‘influencers’ (who, spoiler alert- aren’t using these products), but this culture of ‘having to’ loose weight in the new year making this okay is horrific.

Not only are these products harmful to your body (and not effective), but so is selling diet fads to teenagers (who make up such a huge part of ‘influencers” audiences).

Honestly, it makes me livid, who gives you the right to make teenagers feel like shit about their bodies?

I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with fitness ‘influencers’ existing, but there is something fundamentally wrong with telling young, impressionable adults, who look up to you that there is something about their body that they need to fix, and here is the magic solution that could well have lasting damaging effects.

I really try to avoid saying the word I’m about to say on here because my grandparents may see it but, fuck you.

As a teenager I was swimming competitively at a state and national level, training seven times a week in the water, plus gym and pilates sessions, and I was strong and fit, but I never had a flat stomach.

I never looked like the other girls in the pool, or my friends at school, and I truly hated my body- and honestly myself.

I was the impressionable teenager seeing these ads on Instagram and other social media, and it honestly felt like they were talking to me specifically, telling me they could fix my stomach and make me less hungry (which is bullshit, I was training so much of course I was hungry).

This only ever added to how much I hated my body, if this girl with the flat stomach needs this shake, what the hell do I need?

Fuck you, for trying to profit off of my insecurities.

Fuck you for making girls feel like shit for a profit.

In the past year and a bit I have stopped swimming, medicated for my mental health (which resulted in weight gain) and dealt with both chronic pain and mental health issues that have severely lessened my day to day physical activity, and yet I don’t completely hate the body I see in the mirror.

Sure I have days, but this is a journey of self love and acceptance, that has me looking in the mirror sometimes like ‘oh hey, she’s cute’.

I am not alive to loose weight, and realising this has changed my life.

I’m not saying that exercise is bad, by any means, but can we please just stop measuring health in kilograms and centimetres?

All bodies are good bodies, unfollow anyone who makes you feel otherwise.

Love,

Mal xx

 

The Emotional Conflict of Living Two Lives

The Emotional Conflict of Living Two Lives

I’m home for the summer, and while it’s only been a fortnight, I’m feeling a little lonely.

Not entirely, but in the same way I always kind of feel, which I’m starting to realise is always going to be the hard part in living so far away from home for so much of the year.

My family are all in Victoria, while my friends are in South Australia (these are different states in Australia for my international friends).

I love being home, I grew up here and my mum is my bff, but now, more than ever before I love being in South Australia, where I’m studying.

Which is where this part loneliness comes in, I’m starting to feel like my life cannot ever be whole.

No matter where I am, I’m missing someone.

I miss my family constantly, my mum, brothers and grandparents are the most important people to me.

Mum and I try to talk every day on the phone, usually while she drives home from work (however my napping sometimes gets in the way of this), which I love, but it’s not the same as a hug from my mumma.

I facetime my grandparents once a week (I highly recommend teaching your grandparents how to use facetime, I love it almost as much as they do), it feels closer for both me and them, I can talk to them both at once and we can see each other which is so wonderful.

My brothers are a little more difficult, it’s hard to get a fifteen year old to care about contacting you if he’s not getting anything out of it (which breaks my heart a little bit I’ll admit) and it’s hard to catch the other one as he’s just started his first full time job, but I know I’ll always hear from him when something happens and I couldn’t be prouder of how hard he’s working.

But then I come home, and it’s wonderful, I get to spend all of this time with my mum, see how much taller my brothers are now and visit my grandparents in person.

But, two years on from moving out I’m only really in contact with one friend from here, and we make an effort to catch up every time I’m home and I’m so happy to have him still in my life (because I honestly have no idea what I’d do without him).

It’s not like I hold any ill feelings against anyone I fell out of contact with, really I’m a different version of myself now anyway.

Sure, there were people who tore my heart out a little when they walked out of my life, but looking back that happened before I left, so really, good riddance.

So, anyway, the vast majority of my friends are in SA… and I miss them so much.

When you find people that you loose track of time with and want to tell all of your news, and hear all of their’s, it’s so odd when you can’t just show up at their door, meet them for sushi or sneak bottles of wine into the cinema with them at half an hours notice.

Being home, the homesick feeling doesn’t go away, because the feeling isn’t about a place, it’s about people.

And they’re my favourite people and I really don’t know what to do with myself without them.

It’s odd, and not a feeling I’ve really had before this year, last year all of my friends were from outside of Adelaide and we would go home for our breaks, so it felt like there was less of this feeling.

I guess part of it stems from a classic case of fomo, but more so I just miss their presence in my life, I miss being around people that I love so much – of course I want to be doing what they’re doing, but it’s not like feeling left out.

I’m just so lucky to live in a world where technology and social media allows me to be in almost constant contact with my bffs.

And in saying all this, I am so happy to be home for the holidays, it’s just a conflicting feeling, and while I’m on my break I’m aiming to be putting out two posts a week, so look out for heaps of new content coming your way!

Love,

Mal xx

My Relationship with Body Hair

My Relationship with Body Hair

If you’ve seen much of anything on my blog you’ll know how strongly I feel about period positivity – and that, for me is mirrored in all things girls are brought up to feel ashamed about.

Periods, body image, sexuality and our body hair (among others obviously) are all things that we learn to surround with shame and silence, where they should be topics coloured with conversation and choice. Read more

When You Know

When You Know

This time two years ago I couldn’t make up my mind on what I wanted to do with my life.

I had finished high school, my exams were done and I’d graduated, but I still had no idea what I wanted to do next.

I knew I’d go to university, I knew I didn’t want to take a gap year, but as for what I’d actually study… I had absolutely no clue. Read more

Am I a Real Adult Now?

Am I a Real Adult Now?

Well, it happened.

Today is my 20th birthday.

Not quite sure how this happened.

I mean, obviously it was coming, but now it’s here.

There’s something that always feels so final to me about turning a year older, which is odd because literally nothing is changing.

But I’m officially in my twenties now, which is insane to me. Read more

100 Vaginas

100 Vaginas

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Seattle artist Dani Dodge (@studiododge) is the creator of 100 Vaginas, creating vulva art each day for 100 days from April this year.

Starting as way to help her show more love to herself, her body and to shed sexual shame, Dani created and shared 100 pieces, showcasing the diversity and beauty of the female anatomy. Read more