I’ve never really done the whole new years resolution thing, goal setting (and sticking to said goals) is not a strong point in my personal life.
However, this year I’m giving it a go, mostly in the form of goals for myself, but with one resolution; this year I am going to learn to be kinder to myself.
This wasn’t something I intended on writing about here, but I’m kinda proud of myself so here we are.
This will really be put to the test when uni goes back next month, but so far I think I’m actually doing okay.
I’m making it okay to have days where I don’t achieve anything, going easier on myself and allowing my body and mind the time to recover and regroup.
I’m trying not to beat myself up over my sleeping pattern and I’m working consciously accepting my body when it is bloated to the point that my clothes start to dig in.
I’m not ticking all of my boxes though, I am still struggling with the reality of the pain that I’m in and not hating myself over it.
But I’m doing my best to not beat myself up over it, to not feed into my default cycle of not living up to my own expectations, hating myself for it and then hating myself for hating myself.
I have 11 more months to sort that out, and my goals are in motion to help.
I get a partial tick for amping up my quest for medical answers surrounding my pain, I’ve been to an OBGYN and have new medications, a plan and another appointment in 2 months time.
As I feel worse each cycle, this goal feels a little like it has a ticking clock attached for me, but I know that I need to treat my mental health with the same urgency.
This year I am going to find a therapist.
I’m shouting that into the void that is the interwebs as a fail safe to keep me accountable to this goal, because of my tendency to bail on my mental health.
All things considered, I think I’m doing alright.
I’m on my way, and while I don’t expect to stay on track completely, I’m learning to trust that I’ll find my way back.
This resolution thing might not be so bad.
Oh and also… I want to read more books.